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Essay #4: Every Sinner Has A Future

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And every Saint a past. I’ve never been the type to be embarrassed about who I was pre-awakening. I so openly share my story, the ecstatic highs and the extremely ugly lows. “My drugs of choice were downers and I discovered that love in the summer before high school after my childhood best friend overdosed on them,” dropped over a casual dinner. Depressive rebellion was clearly my thing, and I have absolutely no shame in sharing that part of my past. A step further? For three years, I used to come home after teaching high school kids English all day and cry myself to sleep because I couldn’t save them from their depression: painful realities: absent parents: abusive parents: fucked up school system: the list goes on. Enter pain killers. Enter failing marriage. Enter hope flying out the window. I literally tried my entire life to be perfect.. graduating college and becoming a teacher at 19. Getting married and attempting to be what my culture would consider a “domestic wife.” And it com...
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Essay #3: the Chariot

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For those who don’t know, the “Fool’s Journey” is a mapped out Tarot story of the symbolic experiences that every human naturally goes through, chronologically (and not). The Fool’s Journey takes a turning point, however, when the lesson of the Chariot appears with Card #7. Up to that point, the Fool’s life experiences are in flow. He’s realized that he’s the Magician, and of his ability to create and form balance in his life, but then… forces begin to work against him and he’s finally faced with a difficult choice. Tarot symbolically shows these conflicts with the people around him, conflicts with his mind, and overall confusion on where to go forward, and how. So the Chariot appears, with sound advice and mighty form of valiant fearlessness. His symbolism of balancing light and dark through these conflicts serves the Fool on his journey to rediscovering his truest power and strength.  The Chariot’s requests: 1. Armor yourself. You must protect yourself from the highs and lows of...
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Essay #2: Purpose & Perspective

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When we talk about the purpose of healing, or the purpose of anything for that matter, there is always the presence of perspective tied along to it. There is no purpose without perspective, and no perspective without purpose .  Purpose: the reason for which something is done Perspective: an individual outlook that is formed The importance of purpose and perspective is the importance of the question it answers: Why are we doing what we are doing, day in and day out? In my previous Soul Healing Essay, I shortly compressed three years worth of self-created perspectives into one transformational explanation: the purpose of unbecoming to Become… or, in my eyes, the purpose of healing based on my perspective.  Because for me, the purpose that was discovered through my healing process led me to understanding my very existence. Or: what I was meant to Become in the first place. It came with a complete perspective shift on every shadow and shine in my life, but through the process I ...
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Essay 1: unbecoming to Become

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For what seemed like an eternity, I thought I was so far off of my path that there was no turning back. I found myself spiraling repeatedly, even if a good day would make its way through. It seemed like pain was the only constant in my life, and happiness was temporary. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments when I even felt like a hypocrite to smile, laugh, be happy. It felt like I was doing myself a disservice… disrespecting myself. Until that pain began to drown me, and it was too difficult to bear. On September 19, 2019, I decided that it was time to just give up. Looking back now, the events that occurred that night were too magical to start off Essay #1 with. The most important part of the experience was what it led me to… the unbecoming . I had to unlearn who I thought I was. That disrespect I felt was only present because of the idea I had in my head of my “identity.” I took on my pain. Wore my sadness like the most expensive set of pearls. Carried my physical illnesses w...
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